The Indomitable Joneses
Selling fantasy as reality, social media companies operate as "insecurity profiteers," convincing us to trade joy for lies... to our detriment.
“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” - Proverbs 17:22
“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” – Buddha
“…Do you ask what is the foundation of a sound mind? It is not to find joy in useless things. I said that it was the foundation; it is really the pinnacle. We have reached the heights if we know what it is that we find joy in and if we have not placed our happiness in the control of externals. Above all, my dear Lucilius, make this your business: learn how to feel joy.” – Seneca, Letter XXIII:1-3
The Joneses and Joy
“Keeping up with the Joneses” is an idiom used to describe the instinctual brand of comparison that takes place between peers. The Joneses represent the every-neighbor from whom we appraise ourselves. Their standard is an arbitrary one. However, failure to meet it results in being labeled as inferior… with success being defined as “keeping up.” What follows - surmises the one trying to keep up - is prestige, status, approval; and from these, joy. And make no mistake, joy is the desired outcome. This is because joy is inextricably linked with improved health, well-being, function, and fulfillment. It is the best, most preferred state of being and, because of this, it is heavily sought after.
This is certainly true in the medical world. From medieval times to modern days, joy and laughter have been recognized as important to overall health and recovery. In the 14th century, French surgeon Henri de Mondeville used humor to aid in his patient’s recovery, writing “Let the surgeon take care to regulate the whole regimen of the patient’s life for joy and happiness, allowing his relatives and special friends to cheer him and by having someone tell him jokes.” In the ‘80s and ‘90s, using humor as an adjunct to medical therapy, the Big Apple Circus started Clown Care as one of its many community outreach programs. Regarding clown care, Patch Adams is probably the most well-known practitioner. These are just a couple examples to show joy can be analgesic, palliative, and contagious (in a good way). Joy is therapeutic.
The trouble lies in how it’s sought. In society, the Joneses demand you meet their standard to receive joy. They purport that those who cannot meet it (referring to us) are “less-than.” We are less valuable - or put more directly – we are worthless. This is an outright lie. It is a lie because our value is inherent to us. By nature of being human. It is a gift, one that isn’t subject to others’ opinions or perceptions or other external things… something Seneca hinted at in the quote above. Yet so many of us fail to recognize this and attempt to meet the Joneses’ standard anyway. We attempt to fill the void we create, buying things we don’t need, doing things we don’t want to… to become worthy in the eyes of the Joneses. In the past, this was unhealthy, with many joining a rat race for which few were well-equipped. But today, this rat race is downright destructive.
It is destructive because having the latest gizmo or gadget is no longer the Joneses’ standard – it’s social media - an impossible standard because social media is fantasy. It is a standard we cannot meet; a race we cannot win… no matter how hard we may try. Those that are lured into the race continually see destinations, bodies, and lives that are too-good-to-be-true. In thinking these things are true, we allow social media to siphon our joy in exchange for living vicariously through a screen. The more they siphon, the more we waste away.
The Joneses on Juice
The question becomes – in what manner is social media especially detrimental to our health? To answer, let’s start from the general and move to the specific.
Drs. Jean Twenge, PhD and Jon Haidt, PhD, along with researcher Zach Rausch, have done tremendous work unveiling the relationship between smartphones, social media, and mental health (specifically for kids and teenagers). They have accomplished this through their academic work and their respective Substacks Generation Tech and After Babel. I encourage you to check them out. Some articles of interest can be found here, here, here, and here. To thoroughly summarize their findings is outside the scope of this article (and as an armchair sociologist, it is a task at which I would be woefully inept). Suffice it to say, they show social media is a significant contributor to deleterious mental health outcomes (especially in teenaged girls); and they do so to a more-than adequate degree.
Starting from this premise, that social media adversely affects mental health, I’m interested in diving into the mechanics of how. Social media influences many sectors of public life, so to make my point I feel it best to focus on just one aspect. Since many people struggle with body image issues, and since exercise is kinda my thing, I’m going to explore how the fantasy of social media can be detrimental in the online fitness-sphere. Here we go…
Example 1 - Brian Johnson
No, not the guy from AC/DC.
This Brian Johnson is best known as “Liver King.” Mr. Johnson found online fame through his Instagram page where he promoted the “tenets of ancestral living.” These tenets included exercise, being outside, and eating animal organ meats (hence the name Liver King).
With clever branding and entertaining videos showcasing his superhuman physique, Liver King built a hyper-successful business around the benefits of adopting his belief system (oh, and his supplements, too).
Though rumors circulated regarding anabolic steroid use, Liver King adamantly denied all allegations.
That is until a YouTube documentary proved definitively that he did, in fact, use steroids… like a lot of steroids.
In short, he lied to sell his beliefs, his supplements, and grow his business. The hour-long YouTube video forced Liver King to apologize. And to his credit, he did. (WARNING: Adult Language in the video below)
Example 2 - Photoshop
Photoshop is a well-known computer program that’s used to edit pictures. In the online fitness world, the temptation to use such a program to make oneself look better is too much for some coaches. But which coaches?
John Dorsey is here to help. Going by the username “goob_u2", Mr. Dorsey has dedicated the bulk of his Instagram presence to calling out photoshopping fitness influencers and online coaches.
You may be wondering why this is important… and the reason is that most coaches who use Instagram, or other social media sites, market their product/service with pictures of their own body. A common pitch is something along the lines of “I have a six-pack and 18” biceps, I can help you get the same!” If a person edits their photos to make their waist slimmer, or arms bigger, or shoulders more toned, in order to sell a product or service… well… that’s a flat out lie in an attempt to get money from people. That’s wrong.
Dorsey’s page is filled with short videos of him colorfully ranting about influencers editing their photos. Two particularly egregious examples can be found here and here (WARNING: Adult Language in those videos).
In the first video, an amateur bodybuilder and personal trainer was caught editing not only his own photos, but the photos of his clients so that they all looked better. In the second video, a coach is caught editing her clients progress photos - making the “before” pictures worse and the “after” pictures better. Oof.
Example 3 - Milla Sofia
And last, but not least, we have Milla Sofia. A twenty-something influencer and model from Finland, Sofia’s interests include fitness, sports, travel, and fashion. Currently, she collaborates with a Finnish company to model the products in their online store. Additionally, she has been featured in penned pieces from the Daily Mail, Fox News, The Sun, and The New York Post, among others. Below are some examples of her work.
Again, you may be wondering what the problem is… did she edit her photos, too? Is she using clever lighting or heavy makeup or an insane amount of airbrushing in order to achieve a particular “look”? Does she use green screens instead of actually traveling to location?
No. The problem is that she doesn’t exist. SHE ISN’T REAL.
Sofia was entirely created by artificial intelligence. There is no person from Finland, there is no person in their 20s, and there is no person named Milla or Sofia or any combination of the two. She is a digital rendering of a blonde human woman; a product of someone’s imagination and tech savvy.
Though her profile states she is an “AI creation,” there are hundreds (and probably thousands) of profiles like hers that don’t make it clear. In doing so, they lie to whoever stumbles across their pages. It’s strange - by not existing, she “exists” as the clearest example of the unattainable standard social media puts forth.
Resist the Joneses
Does this mean we need to boycott social media and delete all our accounts??
No, probably not. I’m not prepared to say there’s nothing good about social media. For example, try and watch this video without smiling. It’s a promotional video featuring Portland State University Football and their school president. Or this video where a family attempts the Queen of the Night aria from The Magic Flute. And you definitely won’t get through this video without smiling OR tearing up…
All these videos, in my opinion, are great examples of how social media can spread good will. This is the medium at its best - informative, entertaining, heartening, and even motivating. But the fact remains, without boundaries and strategy, social media at its best will still sop up your time, attention, focus… and eventually turn you from joyous to joy-less.
We save money to protect ourselves from financial ruin and we exercise to prevent injury. In the same way we must protect our mental state and our focus from disorientation due to uncontrolled social media use. Here are some suggestions on how to do just that.
Regarding Kids
These are based on Haidt’s work, including his upcoming book The Anxious Generation
Don’t give a smartphone as a first phone. Give a flip phone, or something without apps.
Don’t give a smartphone until high school.
Don’t let your kid have social media until (at least) high school.
Trade virtual time for “real-world” time; playing with other kids and joining community programs like sports/band/church, etc.
A common problem parents still face, even if they wish to limit their child’s access to smartphones and social media, is peer pressure from other parents and kids. An answer to this problem is “Wait Until 8th”
Wait Until 8th is a collective action group that “empowers parents to rally together to delay giving children a smartphone until at least 8th grade.”
They offer great resources for parents including:
Regarding Fitness
Thoroughly vet any online presence from whom you wish to take advice (myself included). Generally speaking, function is more important than looks, so seek influencers that focus more on what you can do, rather than what you look like (looks are a happy side effect of function). And finally, seek authenticity. In social media, that means following accounts that post about failure as well as success.
Some accounts I follow -
Sam Sweeney - popular fitness trainer who helps women get strong and focuses on improving body image through function
Meghan Sak-Ocbina, DPT - PT with a good balance of training and rehab
Katie Chartrand - nutrition coach, crossfit athlete, and friend of mine who focuses on building positive relationships with yourself and food
Natalie Kollars - performance coach at EXOS focusing on athletic development
Squat University (Aaron Horschig, DPT) - popular PT and former athlete with solid training and rehab content
Barbell Medicine - group of doctors who use strength training as preventive medicine and as medical treatment
E3 Rehab - group of PTs who distill rehab research into education
Knees Over Toes Guy (Ben Patrick) - innovative and popular strength coach famous for advocating “knees over toes”
Aaron Kubal - critical chiropractor with an emphasis on living pain-free
Chris Hover - physician assistant helping dads get healthier
Sav Castles - performance coach focusing on athletic development
Adriell Mayes - personal trainer emphasizing movement mastery through kettlebells
General Rules for Success
Limit the time spent browsing on social media
Understand that what you see isn’t necessarily real
Thoroughly vet everything - especially the content you choose to view
And always ALWAYS - resist The Joneses. Protect your joy and don’t let yourself unknowingly trade it away. Your value is inherent to you and can never be taken away!
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Great article! I was particularly interested in the "Wait Until 8th" section as I'm up against this topic daily with my kids!
What a nice surprise to find you are posting again! Great job on this topic...you are spot on!